8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
