If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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