Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
