is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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