Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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