I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
