i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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