Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
