FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize
