You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
