I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
