Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
tell me about the fingering
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