Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
