Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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