Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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