So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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