It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
