But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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