Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
