Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
