After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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