i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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