You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize