I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
