so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
