Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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