The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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