those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
