I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
