you guys were way drunker than both of me
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
