Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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