i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize