I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
