Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
