last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Too much gin, very little bucket
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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