sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize