No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
