"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
