Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize