I want to walk on stilts...naked
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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