Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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