You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
