it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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