WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
