Say something about gay babies.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
