My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
