Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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