Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
