Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
