Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
