omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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