party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
