i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
