it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
