Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
