I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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