I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
