i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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