North Korea, Best Korea!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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