did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
