Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i came on her dog
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
