I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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