i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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