As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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